It’s not a comprehensive list, but it’s a healthy starting place

The iParent class I’m teaching on Wednesday nights at FBCM has had me on social media sites more than normal…you know, for important research and stuff. I’ve charted it for you here, visually, in case you’re super interested. Anyway, maybe it’s just me, but all this extra time perusing the world wide web has reinforced my belief that someone should put together a contract of sorts. No matter where you fall on the bar graph, we each need to agree what is and is not acceptable social media behavior. I’m all for freedom of speech (obvi), but there are certain things we just need to keep to ourselves.

I like to think I echo the thoughts of the masses, or at least around 8-12% of those masses. Sometimes when I write, I hear choruses of “Amen!” and “That’s right!” in my head. But then again, I tend to struggle with the difference between wisdom in my own estimation and actual wisdom, per say. If that’s the case here, then just LIM knowingly as you read this, understanding that it’s List Wednesday and likely won’t affect your life one bit beyond the 30 seconds it takes you to read it.

However, if anyone ever does come up with a contract for all social media users, and they want to know my thoughts, this is what I’m gonna tell them:

I can’t think of a foot I’ve ever seen that I thought was attractive…no matter how cute you think your recently pedicured toes look. Posting that picture of your foot on Facebook or Instagram is very much like shoving your toes in my face and saying, “Hey, look!” And honestly, I don’t have that kind of friendship with most of you quite yet. I’d say we’re probably more like, “Hey, look at my manicure” friends.

Same goes for your gaping head wound. I think there’s something that many people fail to realize – that tiny little picture you post from your phone is ginormous when I pull up Facebook on my iPad. I’m not too proud to admit that many of you have posted pictures that have frightened me on more than one occasion.

While your speediness is quite impressive, it’s probably not necessary to state the obvious. Sure, you might be the first one to post the news that it is raining outside, but there’s no prize for being so observant. Try something like this, instead: “@(spouse’s name here), I was just about to mow the lawn, but since it’s raining, I think I’ll just take a nap.” Three birds, one stone.

When your teenage daughter posts a very cool Instagram picture that she edited herself to make it look like she’s reaching through a mirror, you shouldn’t try to steal her thunder by commenting, “Do one where you’re vacuuming the house.” Or so I’ve heard.

@everybody sure, you could subtweet, but what’s the fun of that when you can work out your problems face to face? If ya’ don’t know, subtweet is short for subliminal tweet, and it basically means that you’re talking about someone behind their back, but sort of in their face. It’s a post that is directed at someone, without naming him/her directly, and is most often used in times of emotional angst or frustration. I’m not judging you if you subtweet; I’m just not going to pay any attention to it. And it’s doubtful that I’m going to spend any time wondering who you might be talking about….unless, or course, your subtweet is extra dramatic. If you’re talking about me when you say, “I can’t believe the nerve of some people,” then you should probably try another tact, because I didn’t catch the hint.

Cool it with the mouth on mouth action shots of you and your significant other. It’s just a little uncomfortable. I mean, how am I supposed to comment on that? And “liking” it would be weird. Unless you’re sharing your sweet wedding photos, it’s best to keep the intense kissing pics in an actual photo album, or in a box up high on a shelf in the back of your closet.

Is it necessary to ask a question that you could Google and find the answer to in 4 seconds? I submit that it is not. 

If you find a roach in your food at a restaurant that I frequent, I want to know about it. But posting a picture of it is a little much. Keep in mind, some of us are eating lunch while we’re skimming through our social media newsfeeds. Let’s try to practice some decorum, people.

Details about your workout and all the healthy foods you’re consuming should be prohibited. Actually, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with this one; it just makes me feel guilty about the otherwise delightful Halloween frosted sugar cookie I’m about to eat while I sit on the couch playing Matching with Friends.

Any rules you’d like to add?

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Lu

I won’t add any, but just want to say how delighted I was to see your first one. Seriously. What is it with people and pictures of their toes?
Thanks for a great read!

Anonymous

I tried to add this last night (this morning?) at 12:30 or so, but my phone was complicating things, so I gave up. But I have one. just one.

please private message your private messages, or messages that should be private.if you are unsure, find an honest friend or just about any teenager and ask them. the private messaging option is there for a reason. for the reals.

Ok. that’s all 🙂
Tammy C

Amy Kulo

your “toes” paragraph made me remember a conversation from a long time ago when a not yet so close friend who shared a cheese doodle with me in a Tupperware container with a note stating she wanted the container back because we were not “Tupperware friends” yet…lol

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