It’s too hot for that

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 7.00.32 PMI don’t want to alarm anyone, but I just checked the forecast for the next week, and y’all…it’s hot.

I even checked around the state a bit so as not to seem too self-absorbed.  That’s  one reason why I’m writing this blog; from the looks of things, none of us have anything better to do than surf the Interweb and read blog posts.

Clay asked me if I wanted to go see the Astros and Rangers play. I didn’t want to sound dramatic, but I would rather be punched in the face than go sit at a baseball game for 4 hours in this heat. Where I grew up, professional baseball was played in a climate controlled dome on artificial turf, as it was meant to be played.

As it is, I can’t even enjoy an afternoon work break in my backyard blow up pool. About 5 minutes after filling it up, you realize you might as well just go get in the bathtub.

There are certain activities that do not mix with the summer heat. Since you’re probably getting bored reading this blog because it’s the 5th one you’ve read today, and it is List Wednesday, here are a few tips regarding things you should probably avoid for the remainder of the summer.

Amusement parks. Unless its name is Six Flags over Alaska, that is. There is nothing amusing about standing in the sun on hot pavement in line an hour for a ride that lasts approximately 1 minute 37 seconds. Sure, you get lured in by thinking if you get too hot, there’s always one of those water rides where you get soaking wet. But recycled amusement park water on top of sweat is not a refreshing thing.

Chili cook-offs. I’m just trying to help. There’s a reason National Chili Day is in February. In fact, this month, you’re better off avoiding any activity that has the word “cook” in it. You can tell your family I said so.

Camping in Arizona. I should go ahead and admit I don’t like camping ever. But there is no battery-powered tent fan big enough to make August camping sound fun. Personally, I prefer a beach resort, like the one Clay and I went to in Jamaica earlier this summer to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. But at this point, I’m really just bragging.

A Medieval themed costume party. The question I find myself asking is this: What are the fewest amount of clothes I can wear today and still be socially acceptable? Just go ahead and accept it – no one wants to come to your August party unless it includes the words “pool” or “private jet to the Rocky Mountains.”

Thinking about Blue Bell. The urban legends started hitting social media more than a month ago about Blue Bell ice cream. Upon further review, they’ve only started testing the stuff. Who knows when it will actually be in the stores, and if the Hostess Twinkie scare of 2012 was any indication, it’s probably not the best idea to be anywhere close to a Walmart the day Blue Bell does actually return, anyway. But if it does hit the stores soon and you do head to Walmart, pack a Yeti when you leave the house. I’m just saying it’s hot.

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