Resolutions you never hear

No one likes January 2. In fact, I bet if we took a vote, it would win least popular day by a landslide. It’s not really January 2nd’s fault; I mean, it follows December 25, 31, and January 1. And it doesn’t just follow them, it ends all their fun. Besides that, there’s a lot of pressure riding on Jan. 2. It’s the first real-world opinion we make on an entire year. It’s gotta be hard for 1/2/13 not to screw that up.

There is one good thing about today, though. It might be the most well-behaved day of the year, what with all the resolutions still in play and everything. Just think – all those people trying to better themselves. People working out, taking healthy lunches to work, coming home after work to spend quality time with their families and whatnot. So 1/2 isn’t just unlikable; resolutions make it predictable, too.

Even if you’re like me and don’t make resolutions, we all agree that we should make the best of the new year. Since there are a few primary ways we all know to do that, we all land on the same predictable path of thought and behavior today. Think about it; there are just some resolutions you’ll never hear. Since it’s List Wednesday, the first one of the year and everything, let’s examine a few.

Eat more donuts. You’ve heard of the fiscal cliff? Jan. 2 is the donut cliff. No one picks up a box of donuts and takes them to work on 1/2. That would just be dumb. Poor donut shop owners. I bet they’d wish they’d closed up shop this week and gone on vacation. Or changed their name from “Krispy Kreme” to “Egg White Only.”

Start smoking and drinking. – said no one ever. Come to think of it, air quality today might be the best of the whole entire year, so get out there and breathe it in. All the smokers are right now wearing patches and chewing gum.

Watch more TV. You know, that way you can read less. No, people delete things like Honey Boo Boo and The Bachelor from their DVR schedules in January, not add them. So calm down if you were excited about that new blu ray player you got for Christmas. You might want to peruse the best seller list on the Nook store online. No one in the break room is going to want to hear about how you used your time off to watch the first 4 seasons of Jersey Shore.

Worry a lot. This might be a more honest resolution than its antonym and far more popular brother, “worry less.” If we’re staying away from TV, only downloading uplifting reading material onto our Nooks and Kindles, and prayerfully repeating Philippians 4:6 several times a day, we might be able to stay away from worry. Otherwise, be honest – that fiscal cliff and your son’s upcoming high school graduation and departure for college has you a little anxious.

Eat out more. This is where restaurants are better off than the poor donut shop owners. I can’t think of one time someone gave me a gift card to a donut shop for Christmas. If they had, maybe I’d ignore my conscience and eat donuts the first week in January anyway. Still, even though I get a Chick-fil-A cowlendar with coupons in my stocking each year, I try to stay away for awhile so that I can cook things like tilapia and grilled chicken and steamed vegetables for my family. After all, it’s good to get ahead on your recommended fruit and vegetable servings the first couple of weeks in January; that way, you don’t feel so bad when your donut strike suddenly ends on your way to work one morning.

Get myself into debt. Can’t you just hear it? “Honey, let’s see what we can do to make a complete wreck of our finances this year. YOLO.”

Don’t learn anything or trying anything new because I’m already plenty awesome as it is. Maybe Chuck Norris and that Dos Equis guy could pull this one off, but the rest of us most likely have some room for broadening our skill-set and experiences.

“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.” Eph. 5:16-17

Happy January 2, everyone. Make the most of it!

P.S. Came back from the blog hiatus a couple of days ago. If you missed Monday’s blog, go check it out!

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