I just want to say this up front: this whole shortened NBA season is messed up. I’m not even sure it’s worth a spot on List Wednesday. But they say it’s where amazing happens, and lots of people are still watching, so I tuned in for game 4. Naturally, I have some thoughts I’d like to share. Naturally, they have very little to do with the actual game of basketball.
What is in that thing? I’m talking about the James Harden beard. THAT is awesomtastic. I wonder if they have to pat it down when he goes through airport security. I wonder if he teases it as a pre-game ritual, for effect. I wonder if he has a significant other, and if so, does she think it’s nice? I wonder if I can get one without having to go to work for Southwest Airlines in OKC. Just look at them. So lucky.
Did that little girl really sing that or was she pulling a Milli Vanilli? I know, I’m asking out of jealousy. Don’t get me wrong – I’m proud of my kids’ superb PS3 abilities and commitment to excellence on Instagram and everything. But that 10-year-old girl’s jaw-dropping performance was the only really amazing thing I saw during that game (unless you count Jeff Van Gundy’s use of words like curmudgeon and disparage in proper context as he color commentates). I’m just saying that either little Julia was lip-syncing while Mariah Carey sang it from the women’s restroom, or she has more talent in her pinky than you, me, and 22 of our closest friends.
What’s with the NBA-wide tribute to Steve Urkel? The pre-game tunnel walk into the arena. The post-game interviews. The players are dressed like Urkel, and I don’t get it. They don’t need glasses. They’re not reading anything, and they certainly don’t wear those cool prescription goggles during the game. So what’s up? Is this the sort of thing my teenage son is going to want me to buy when we go back to school shopping? I remember the suits players wore, back in the day. I also remember Allen Iverson’s sagging jeans, over-sized tee, and sideways baseball hat. Let’s see if we can find a happy medium that doesn’t make us think we’ve switched over to an edited for television, “Revenge of the Nerds.”
Does anyone who doesn’t live in Miami like the Heat? Raise your hand if you do. I see you, Aaron. I don’t see anyone else. It seems like this finals series is more about wanting the Heat to lose than it is about wanting the Thunder to win. Not that Durant isn’t likable. He is. Even though he went to t.u. But, no offense Miami, you’re okay to watch that one Saturday night in February when you’re wearing those “East” jerseys, but not in June. Go underdogs.
Why are players always so confused when they get called for a foul? Refer back to that Urkel pic. That’s the body language and expression of NBA players after almost every foul. It’s also exactly why I could never be a ref. Well, the running up and down the court more than two times might be a problem, too. But mainly I couldn’t do it because I’d probably have to throw myself out after stopping the whole game to say something parental to every player who does it.
Just what shenanigans are those Gatorade advertisers trying to pull? Those Jordan commercials they’re airing…what’s with the grainy picture? He played in the 90’s, y’all. Granted, we didn’t have HDTV then, but we did have DTV, and cable, and pretty decent picture quality. They’re making it look like we had to have one person outside holding the antenna at just the right angle to watch a game. I’m old, but not that old. Stop it, Gatorade.
D Wade has the NBA. So why did he have to go and try to steal my claim to fame? I saved this one for last, because it’s the most difficult for me to write. Many of you know that I lim (laughing inside myself), and not lol. I started limming quite some time ago. Many of you joined me. I even started a facebook page (go ahead, click on it! like it!), in hopes of reaching the entire world with my message of lim. I was well on my way, too. Then D Wade came along and decided that he’d start his own non-lol acronym, L2MS (laughing to myself). He even made a video about it. The LIM page came a full 2 months before his L2MS video, though. Plus, his acronym, technically, has one too many letters. Plus, he’s D Wade, and can wear Urkel-clothes and people will still think he’s cool. Plus, he’s probably about to win the NBA championship. It’s just not fair.