Today is Clay’s birthday, y’all. It’s one of those times when the number of years lived really does end with a 9. But don’t tell him I told you.
Not that he has any reason to be feeling blue about that new number. Rob Lowe, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Tom Cruise are all older. And if you think about it, I could have stopped that list right after Rob Lowe and it would have gotten the point across. It’s a great time to be alive.
I’ve never understood the hangup people have with getting older, anyway. I’ve recently decided I’d like to live well into my second century. One reason is that it means I’m still not yet middle-aged. But also, I feel like the blog of a 102-year-old woman could be really popular. Maybe not so much in the minds of my great-grandchildren, per say, but everyone else in the world would excuse, and probably even look forward to the lack of filter that naturally comes with that many years. Just think what a hoot these List Wednesday posts will be then.
We’re all getting older. And speaking of List Wednesday, here’s how you can know for sure it’s happening to you.
Self-image. When someone under-guesses your age, you relive that glorious moment for days. But then when your 20-year-old son uses an app that ages him 70 years in a photo, Facebook’s facial recognition software thinks it’s you. You would find this extremely offensive if you weren’t so distracted by the fact that those wrinkles look so real.
Keeping up with culture. You’ve bookmarked urban dictionary. Also, you don’t know who Nae Nae is and have never asked anyone to watch you whip. You did look it up on The Google, though, and are still just as confused as before.
Reliving the old days. You’ve clicked on “Get Peanutized: Turn Yourself into a Peanuts Character,” “Then and Now: The Cast of ‘Sixteen Candles,'” “Which ‘Breakfast Club’ Character are You?” and “10 Things You Didn’t Know about ‘Gilligan’s Island.'”
Doctor’s visits. You just want one doctor who can explain everything, but you have 8 specialists, instead. And they’re all too young to even know who Doogie Howser is.
Changes. You’ve given a good amount of thought to what’s wrong with kids these days. Also, your new TV is nice, but you really just want your old remote back…and for your favorite shows to come back.
Birthdays. Nothing says “I love you” like a new pair of socks. After that, a blog post with a Rob Lowe meme is just bonus.